When I heard the words, “I dont see a heartbeat,” something electric came over my whole being. In the moment I described it as “warmth”. This “warmth” started at the tips of all of my toes and traveled steadily up my body - completely covering me to the top of my head. The week prior I was so excited as my app told me, “Now baby has developed elbows and knees.” I was so tickled at the thought, but so in Love with the reality of elbows and knees...
I never thought a name would mean so much. I never imagined a soul being so powerful even before and after it was gone. Riot: A Brilliant Display. The day I saw that small powerful flash of Light, Full of color... God’s Promise. A heartbeat... A small cluster of evident life. How powerful. What I thought was one Life, has directed me to realize the presence of God in All Life. I realize the immediate Love I felt the moment I saw, The Light - The Life is what I need to feel each time I look in the eyes of another human being. Each time someone makes me feel a way, Good or more importantly, Not so good; I realize they too hold that Light - that Life. And to rationalize my Love is not the intention. In that moment I am only to Love - deeply.
A mothers Love is something just extraordinary. The ability to Love the unknown and the known. The ability to see the majesty through the adversity.
I’m sure these are not the only reasons Riot came and left but, these are the ones on the surface now. These are the ones that are most important... In, This, Moment. Riot is still Life. Riot is still Light. Riot is my muse. He is leading me. He came in my wilderness proclaiming, “Prepare the way for the Lord, see in me what you should see Everywhere.” God gave me a Love that as a mother I would not deny to follow, and showed me how without fully knowing - no face, no gender, no knowledge - only elbows and knees... only a being - to Love Fiercely. In the righteous way of the Lord. To take that and multiply it by everyone I will ever encounter. No matter what they do or say, Love them because of that Light. That Light that may be hidden on a hill. That Life that may be under the pressure of losing its salt. Love them because of His Promise. And more simply put, because they have elbows and knees. It’s the little things that matter. Those underlying things. Not the fact that Life is hard for them and they may be taking it out on you. Or because they don’t understand how to... Love you in a Riot.
Riot never made it to this side of the world physically. But his purpose has been greater than anything I have ever physically touched. Each day there is more and more of His presence. Each day, the Light I experienced guides me into better relationship with others. Each day I am challenged to give the world what he gave to me- Purpose, Pride, and the electric Warmth of Love.
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” - Lamentations 3:22-23