February 7, 2019
8:11 PM
Choose your battles... a very heavy statement.
As I am settling more and more into myself, this is what resonates, CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES... As attachments are being lost and unhooked, as the vision clears and things aren’t as cloudy as they have been. I can hear the explosions of this world. The battles at every side... There really are battles at every side! There is not one area of my life that I can think about right now that isn’t in the midst of a battle. All to different degrees of course. Some, the battle is very light, faint may be a better word. While other areas are in the throes of missiles being launched and grenades being thrown. I see and feel them from the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows. They stir up emotions that make me want to react. And I’m learning that reacting may not always be the best thing to do. I want to tell someone about my battles. I want someone that will side with me and tell me I am right in my frustration, and for me, that may not always be good. But I also want someone who will tell me that they understand what I’m feeling, but that there is a better way. People have to be able to understand you completely and also be able to offer perspective in a constructive way. They can not be afraid to tell me the truth about how my viewpoint may be off. How there are other ways to heal before the battle is complete. And if that person doesn't exist in my life then, telling someone is not an option. So I can choose to sit in it and let it fester. Or I can pray about it and talk it through with God.
Telling Him what hurts and where I’m feeling lost. Telling Him where I am suffering most and how I can’t make sense of any of it. Being open to what He shows me and knowing that I need to feel the depths of the war before I recover. I’m learning its more about understanding others and where they are and allowing myself to grow beyond my current condition. Not staying in the same mind-frame of self first. But embracing others where they are and accepting the fact that change is possible. It opens up the opportunity for me to pray about people, about what situations they may be facing, about life.
He is showing me that I am truly not on this battle field alone. Although it seems like different troops are storming in from the East, the West, the North And the South, He is my refuge and my hiding place. He is shielding me with His feathers and ultimately I am being protected from it all. My battles are not just mine. They involve my children as well. They grow
through things that hurt and as a mother you can not help but to carry what hurts your children with you. So for them, I must also run to the Word. For direction for me, so that I can lead them in the most successful way possible.
This is what War is for me, in this season, in this moment. And the safest most effective way for me to endure is through worship. To praise God for revealing that this is indeed a battle and that I dont have to physically, or mentally fight it. Emotionally I am human so I will “feel” the tugs and pulls on my heart as the WHYs pour in. However as I stand in His promise of Never leaving me, I release my way for His. I put down my weapons and lay down my will for the wisdom only He can provide.
James 3:17 says “ But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure: then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”