March 12, 2018
Am I a Warrior? I have often felt like I am anything but. I have for many years looked at my circumstances with a down eye. Not really believing I added much value to anything. Thinking of myself as a space filler... I know I am not the only one. I would question my existence. Why had I even been brought into this world if all I was good for was essentially nothing. I became more of a worrier than a Warrior.
The shift of God is so real. I began to look at the things that never seemed to be big deals in my life. I was quiet, I still am to a certain extent. Always alone with my thoughts. How was God using that in me? How was He using the fact that I was one of the biggest cry babies in the world? How was He using the fact that I thought of myself as the most unattractive person in this world? How was He using my low self esteem issues or my placement as the black sheep of the family for any good?
God took me back to where it all began, birth. Remembering stories of having my umbilical cord around my neck as I made my debut. He showed me in that moment the light that was to follow, better yet chase me, all the days of my life. Only Warriors survive when the odds are stacked against them. God showed me how all my odds have been stacked heavily in my favor. I have had to survive, there was just no other way. Along the way He would equip me with everything I needed to fight any battle I would be faced with.
I have to admit I am still learning to let go and just Thank Him for Everything that I go through. Sometimes its hard to say Thank You for pain. Things that make us feel uncomfortable or that hurt our feelings. It helps me release it over to Him. When I can understand that I HAVE to go through it. When I understand that there is NO other way. When I understand that it IS for the good of me. And that it will all work together towards a bigger picture. A huge life change. Now it could be what the world views as monumental. Tangible things coming into play. However for me, I see the biggest change being in myself. The way I feel on the inside. The change I see taking place in the way I respond to things. My attitude toward things.
I start to see the days with new eyes. New perspective. I no longer want the easy way, the “not so easy way” seems so much more beneficial. I learn new things about myself. Most importantly, how to cope. Cope with the fact that I am a Warrior. And that doesn’t mean I don’t cry. That doesn’t mean I’m not upset at times. It doesn’t mean I’m perfect. If anything, it shows how imperfect I am.
As a Warrior, I fight. The good fight. I don’t give up on this life. I don’t give up on myself and I don’t give up on God. I know and understand that things will come that have no explanation. Things will happen unexpectedly. As a Warrior, I don’t falter in my fight. I fight no matter the time of day, not matter the occasion. He has given me all the pieces to be successful in my pursuit of the Cross.