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Mirror, Mirror...

June 26, 2018

June 25, 2018

4:28 PM

 

It’s funny...how you make a statement that you are Adamant about. You make it a point to be Transparent, Real Blunt and Honest... So what you say about Yourself should always be true of the way you Behave...

 

As I had given up on Love for myself... thinking that I was always made to Love,  because in my mind I was doing everything “right...” I just felt like that was my lot in life. At the same time, I felt that there was nobody out there capable of Loving me to the Greatest Extent but Jesus... However the desire was so strong to have and feel Love in my life, I knew it had to be a God send. So although I was really mad at my Experiences, I blamed it on Love...

 

It wasn’t Loves fault that it didn’t work out. Because Love never fails... Its about 2 people who decide they know better than Love. And they will prove by their actions just how much they DON’T know about Love... So I blamed Love and vowed to not be open to Love again. Made Big statements about how serious I was and what measures I  was willing to go through to Prove I was OVER IT. But in the process, I neglected to Love People. I neglected to watch the words that came out of my mouth around the most impressionable people in my life. Like even mentioning that Love was not an option for me was not good for anyone to hear. Because that’s so not true. I can’t be me without it. I wasn’t being who I know I am created to be. And Yes, although I felt defeated, I was still in the race and expected to run it. 

 

This road in life gets tiring. It gets too busy. It gets lonely, however we should stand by the words we speak about ourselves. We should be patient and kind to ourselves. And when you describe yourself to others, be honest in your statements. Let people see who you really are. So when you have to go back and explain why not giving up on Love is not an option for your 25 & 3/4 yr old Friend, Goddaughter, and  Lil Homie, you have to believe it for yourself as well. 

 

Even as I sit down to write this, I’m finally looking at some bills that I have had for a couple of weeks... mail I just didn’t want to open. Wasn’t ready to face another bill but finally bold enough to admit, “It is what it is...” So far I opened up a letter from my student loans stating that it was time for me to verify my eligibility again for deferring my payment, What a Blessing! To not have to worry about paying something if even for just 30 more days. I know some people may not agree with that, however that is My Truth, In This Moment...  The next letter is showing my FMLA approved from my recent emergency appendectomy. That made all the pain worth it... A total of 8 blessings that I sat upon for weeks. Shows me still how much I need to slow down and just take it moment by moment. If I had to think of all the moments my heart felt a little battered, had I stayed in the moment - not thinking I know everything,  and recognize the blessings that had been coming to fill holes, I ignored.  My spat with Love would not have survived as long as it did. Those couldn’t possibly be something to bless me. However they did, and I am overwhelmed. They Are Love...

 

I was wrong, so wrong, to give up on the one thing that has kept me afloat, His Love. It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with Him. And while I was being inconsiderate of His Gift, He was still blessing me. 

 

My Good Lord! You challenge my heart, in the midst of hurt and pain, there is a decision, To choose you every single time. Lord I choose you ! When this world makes me feel out of place, I know I have safety and a firm foundation in Your Word. I know that always showing you to this world - I could never lose. So no matter how many times my heart breaks, no matter how many times I fail, no matter how many times I give up, You never leave me.  YOU ARE LOVE... Lord let your presence be felt by every eye reading this and may we all learn to be more excepting of Your Will for our lives and not our own understanding... In your Loving name I pray, Amen !

 

 

 

 

 

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